I had a Big and Tasty at McDonalds today. Like the American Dream, it was neither big nor tasty. Unfufilled promises sizzle up from the dreams of short order cook collegates.

I began working on my college applicatons. To Georgetown University:

Please list any special talents or skills that you have:

90 WPM typing speed, double jointed-thumbs, ability to fix other peoples' relationship problems (although this must only be used for good, lest the universe be destroyed), ability to watch C-Span for three hours straight while not being asleep, rabble rouser for the forces of good, etc.

I am told that my response to this question suggests I am shallow.