Today on yesterday, which is to say, reflection breeds anxiety. Perpetually, I am involved in problems. I am atypical. I am the paradox which the System promotes but does not believe exists. I don't happen. To explain, from the Dekalb County school board:

A major unifying force of our unique, diverse community, is to guarantee that each learner develops individual potential and becomes a contributing citizen through an educational system characterized by safe, nuturing enviornments; student-centered creative learning; an active, collaborating community; and the management of all resources in an efficient, effective, and equitable manner. Every student will achieve.

They say one thing but think another. For instance

  • Every student has the ability and skill to achieve.

    Having bombed most of the classes I was in the first year of high school I effectively dropped out for a lot of reasons. I didn't want to go, I didn't like the people, I didn't feel like doing anything. But something happened between then and now which isn't really suppose to happen, if it happened more often they'd pass a law against it.

    I got better.

    Okay, so I missed a few years of school and at the very least i'll graduate one year back. Thats fine, I hate(d) '02 anyway. I do, however, refuse to be in high school when i'm twenty. At the same time, i've invested a year and a half of my time to making a comeback, and its been a very impressive comeback, top 5% in all of the classes I was enrolled in, a very impressive AP US History performance, etcetera. That said, assuming I do nothing between now and next year in order to get credits to pass, i'll be three elective credits short of graduation. Thus throwing me into that twenty year old range. This in and of itself is probably doable, however I want one of these credits to be a pre-calculus credit.

    This would give me the pre-requisite I need to take AP Calculus and give me all ap's next year, and provide at least a shadow of a chance, combined with good recommendations, to get into an Ivy League school, which, vain and pitiful as it may sound, is my dream in the here and now.

    So, in order to try and get the elusive pre-req, I visited perimeter college today. Thanks to the odd policies of the system, a summer class, which by necessity lasts half as long as most classes, will give me half as much credit, although it is the same class, simply because they measure credit by hours taken, not by material covered. However I will recieve full credit at the college, assuming my straight a's this semester pushes me up to a 3.0 GPA which will make me qualified. The downside to this is that it will create a college transcript, the ramifications of which i'm not sure I like.

    The woman was nice enough. A stressed out english teacher with a nervous tick to prove it, likely more from the cold than the stress. There are additional problems, first of all, I would have to take a math placement test to see whether I should go to remedial, or calc 1. In addition, even if I got into college precalculus, It would not count as a pre-requisite. So, that option is really eliminated if I can get a better one. The woman was slightly preturbed as to why I would want to try something so hard as college classes in such a compressed period and then take AP Calculus. I attempted to placate her fears by telling her that I did not have problems with 5 hours of classes a day and that I was interested in experiencing college level courses. With all of the stress it would seem to put on her signing off on my entrance to perimeter, (I don't like stressing people.) I am going to continue searching for options. If only there were more of them.

    However, ultimately the problem is that through my previous actions, I have been trapped in the cogs of bureaucracy. Students like me are not suppose to do well. It is not really provided for. I could prove myself given the opportunity, the problem is whether or not that opportunity will come. All I can do is pray about it.