Midway through December, or close enough for me.

Last night I saw the gigantic cluster of a mindfuck that is Vanilla Sky. I don't think i've ever felt slapped by a movie until I saw that.

I was happy to see that girl who had wanted to go on a date with me who thought that she didn't have many chances with people had fallen in with a good guy. Maybe they win sometimes.

I don't have any time for anything and the reason I have no time for anything (important) is because of school, which is in and of itself, unimportant. It's too late in life for me to do anything substantial, which is rather odd considering that i'm 'only' 18. I find lately that revealing my stupidity to others only has them attempt to tell me that i'm an idiot for thinking i'm an idiot. That whole matter is far too complicated for me to understand anyway.

I have to write a position paper for a topic I don't care about and don't really have any good access to research for, "Was the Supreme Court Anti Democratic?", due Friday. I briefly considered just blowing it off and taking a 0 but I opted against that. Other things I have to do this weekend include revising a poem based on some input from an english teacher that I neglected to bring home, learning about propability and what you're suppose to do with square roots that are not perfect squares in the elipse formula, and preparing for a apush final about the god damned civil war and reconstruction. The most intresting thing i've read about reconstruction is that Andrew Jackson was president during the time, which of course is not true, but apparently Eric Foner, that sage of reconstruction history, can make the most egregious typographical errors without anyone questioning him.

Oh, and then theres finals. I think i'll just blow them off. If i've learned anything they shouldn't be a problem. But if I haven't then who the fuck cares anyway, it's too late now.

This is all tempered by the fact that my performance in high school has no bearing on my life at all, which makes it rather hard for me to get anything done. I mean when you get right down to it, i'm going to be blacklisted as a failure for the rest of my life by any educational institution, prospective employer, or anything else. I mean, lets think logically here. If I continue in high school, my diploma will have been recieved when I am god damned 21 years old. I know, "College Applications are age blind". etc. etc. Bullshit. Bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit. I'm not going anywhere. The two years that I didn't attend are included in my college transcripts which translate to a lower than 1 gpa. Instead of placing my age in the box marked age, it is simply marked into my aggregate grade point average.

So, in essence, my life is over. I mean, I cannot get a scholarship, and at the rate I can work as a god damned dishwasher at some bumfuck hippie resturant, I wont be able to afford college, (and this is barring any unforseen circumstance such as physical injury or hospital visits) until I am 30. So as long as I don't mind preforming highly illegal crimes for profit, such as mugging six or seven people a night, my life is on track.

This of course means that its not. Oh well. "Toughen up" as they would say to me as if they had any idea what my miserable existence is like. Of course this is not to say that anyone who could possibly read this would have any idea either. I'm just bitching. It's worthless and pointless, but then so am I.