Where to start?

I honestly feel that I know what a love/hate relationship really is.

Its how you feel when the woman you love, the person you would trade your soul for, your best friend in the universe, betrays you, your feelings, and everything that passed between you.

Jen was my love, my best friend, she was my heart. She betrayed me, and she used me... repeatedly.

I've never quite recovered from it, and it doesn't really matter any longer, i guess. I have learned to trust again. Thats a start.

I love her.
I hate her.

Its definetly an uncomfortable feeling being in love with the person you hate more than anything in the world... even 5 years later. ~sigh~

Sat Jan 26 2002
In retrospect: Another couple of years have passed. I loved her. I hated her. I've grown up mentally, and finally I've been able to forgive her. The real tragedy is that *I* let her do what was done. That I didn't respect myself enough to stop what occured. That is the real tragedy.

Sun Jul 14 2002
Even further in retrospect: She got in touch with me again. She said the one thing that could melt the barriers around my heart. She said she was sorry. I still care about her after everything that happened. That scares me alot. I'll never give her a chance to hurt me again, but the feeling is still there, and the walls still have to be put up. Maybe someday I'll trust her again... but I really doubt it.

Sun Feb 23 2003
Now... it's been a while, we quit talking for a couple months because I felt she was treating me like an object... a possession... she expected things I couldn't give and what I felt didn't matter, only what she felt. Then a week or so ago we started talking again, no apologies either way... but I think we're on clearer ground...