- | +

It's been a while since I've noded anything... at all really. Not even my current undertaking of Songs by the Beatles. I believe I've hit not only noder's block, but a creative stonewall altogether. Thats very unlike me.

My days of summer have been filled mostly by practicing guitar, something I've been at since mid-December. I should have kept at it when I was 13. Every once in a while I get uspet I had so little patience then, I could have 5 years experience under my belt by now, be in a local band, maybe the one my bud just started up a little while ago. Oh well.

I would be working if I could find a job. It seems that basically I'm in the limbo position for finding a job. I'm overqualified for your average slightly-above-minimum wage job, but I don't have my B.S. yet so I can't get myself a real job.
I applied at CompUSA a week ago or so, with a friend. He got the job on the floor, and the manager referred me to the hardware center thinking they needed people badly. I went through a second interview and they are running a background check. Awful long time for a check if you ask me, because I've heard no word. Once again, Oh well.

Lately I've been wavering in my emotions. Not having moodswings or any such thing, but my outlook on how I ought to act and move on has wavered. I just want to to close an old chapter in my life and start anew. But I live close to her, we share friends, we feign friendship, and my cousin is her best friend. Makes it hard to break free. I've tried in every way, and succeeded to some degree, but I feel as if I have a responsibility to help her out, to help her regain her baerings on her moral compass. I recently heard that she's cheating on her new boyfriend with a co-worker. If its any consolation, I hear he's hot. I'm fighting the urge to talk to her about it, I shouldn't even know, and it's not my business. But its always seemed different with her that even though we budge into each other's business and don't like it when the other does the same, we feel as if we have a responsibility to do so. She was suppsoed to call tonight. She didn't, but since when does she keep true to her word?

I need to get away from my parents, her, everyone who interferes. I just want to go out, and do things for myself. Most of all I want to find a new girl to share my life with for the time being. I went to pick up my family's pizza at the local pizzeria. Driving there I became astutely aware that I was preparing, and hoping that a girl I knew would be working there. Maybe I could ask her out some time... I arrived and spoke with her, but she was rather busy and I just didn't have it in me to ask. But as she got back to work she called back "See ya soon, babe" as she does with most every guy she knows, and I couldn't help but enjoy the subtle nicety of being called "babe". It puts a smile on your face, in the same sort of way that you couldn't help smiling when Jen started talking in an almost baby-ish voice. It meant she was truely concerned for you and cared very much, and at one point she did explain to me that when she did that it was that she was just worried that she may never see you again so she was reluctant to let you go and was holding back a deluge of I love you's. Obviously the word babe doesn't mean as much, but it kept my lips upturned for the ride home.

It's the small things that keep you happy, and every once in a while you get a day where God's lined em all up for ya in a row, and you can't shake the feeling. Today wasn't one of those days, exactly, but it wasn't a bad day either.