I am stuck in some kind of alternate reality that I don't think exists...but I don't think it's a bad thing.

I have been in college nearly two months, enrolled at stem cell research capital, University of Wisconsin-Madison. It is a good school...and there are lots of people here, my classes are challenging and interesting for the most part(you can only expect some much from chemistry:). I have already developed a medium sized group of fairly close friends. I am happy. Ecsatically happy...at least 90% of the time. Nothing in the world is wrong.

Except me. I do not feel real. I am floating around in a state of summer camp-iness where friday is going to come and all the fun will be over. Except that it won't. This is my life. And damn if I am not confused and worried about some unforseen pitfall. Isn't there a rule about not being to happy? Aren't I supposed to have at least a minimal faction of grief in my life?

I should say that I do have some grief factor in my life. The horrific destruction of the World Trade Center was certainly very morally shaking, I miss my family, I miss certainty(at least a little), and I have boy problems/internal conflicts with a few friends and associates who went to high school with me and also go here. The latter are by far the most disconcerting... but funny thing is, I will get very upset about it for a matter of 10 minutes...and then the problem just.... goes. It doesn't matter.

Is this normal? Am I a freak? I remember a time in my life when people used to constantly ask me why I was always happy and I never had a reason... then bad stuff happened and I wasn't happy anymore. Senior year of high school was by far the worst...I was miserable all year and nothing made any difference. Have I merely reverted to my former self without realizing it? Is it such an astouding difference that I feel perma-high all the time and outside of my normal personality self range?

I am Dagny Taggart being brought into Atlantis.

I am confused...but it is a good thing.

Have a wonderful day whomever you are that is reading this node. This is my attempt to share my happiness with you. I wish everyone could feel like this with me.