In today's fast-paced world, the average on-the-go web surfer doesn't have time to sift through the volumes of erotic stories available through the magic of the internet.
To wit, there is a need for a set of easy-to-remember guidelines for use in eliminating text which will fail to titillate adequately before the user has become too involved.
Though I consider myself a novice in this arena, I do hold a degree in creative writing and hence a basic understanding of narrative structure, with which I will endeavor to provide a few good clues.
Here, then, are a few signs that the erotic tale you are perusing may not be up to snuff:
- The phrase "36-DD" appears in the first paragraph.
- The phrases "My sister's friend," or "Niagra Falls" appear anywhere in the text.
- Female genitalia referred to as "love mound," "beaver," or "naughty bits."
- Male genitalia referred to as "tubesteak," "hammer," or "soldier."
- Writer's name includes the words "Master," "Sir," or "Mel."
- The phrase, "This chick walks up to me," appears anywhere in the text.
- The terms "slurping," "banging," "boner," "stiffie," and/or "doin'" occur frequently during the racier bits.
- The sexual act is referred to as "the nasty," "the wild thing," or "the electric slide."