Because I did not know that you had this power
Because I can only wish that I have the same power over you.
Across miles and miles, and I can feel you sometimes seeping through in small ways. Can feel warm breath on cold neck, can feel fingertips on the small of my back
. And it is all real as it will ever be but it is not you.
Could I sweep you off your feet electronically? All of you
? Let you in on a piece of me that is yours and yours alone. Would you take that? What do I get from you in return?
Have we always meant for it to be an even trade
Here is what you are to me: words and words and words. And beautiful ones at that. You asked me once if it was a competition and the answer is how could I ever compete with adjectives and pronouns? I just can't.
Here is the list of things that keep me from leaving this place: her. Beautiful and sweet and more in love with me than I am with her. But she is mine and she is here. And I am
in love just with the idea of running fingers through hair and taking care of the details. I will always be in the details.
Do I get to be honest here? Do I get to let out that one tiny piece of truth that will bring all of you to me and take all of me away
? Do I get to be human? Yes and no both in very real ways.
When it is she and I all alone, are you aware that I am thinking what it would be like if you were there? All of you? When you feel that sudden silence as I touch her
, do you smile, knowing it should be you?