So, I couldn't help but notice that you were writing with your left hand. When did you decide to become left-handed, just out of curiosity? And why--I mean, with the way society works and all, there are so many tools designed for right-handed people, and I can't imagine why you'd want to put yourself at a disadvantage like that.

You know, they didn't used to let people like you just run free, using whichever hand they wanted. They'd make you write with your right hand whether you wanted to be stubborn about it or not, and if they did it for so long there has to be a reason behind it. It's a tradition that has to be protected, if you ask me; it's just not proper writing if you're not using the correct hand. There has to be a good reason behind the meaning of the word sinister, and I think they're up to no good. It seems like in the past fifty years there's been an explosion in the number of lefties, and it's probably all due to them softening up and letting them practice that strange behavior unchecked. It's going to destroy the fine tradition of writing if we let them keep at it!

But I still don't understand why you'd ever want to do that. Write with the wrong hand and all. Frankly it seems a little unnatural to me; I can't imagine not using my right hand, can't see why you'd ever want to do it. My god, how awkward! It's not like you don't have a choice, like you can't just pick up a pencil with your right hand and write like that. Nothing's physically stopping you, so why should we let you pervert our writing system if you can just write normally like everyone else? Yes, that's right, you're just doing it to be perverse, it can't have any biological root whatsoever. They haven't isolated a lefty gene yet, have they? Unless you can prove it's genetic, it's a choice and you should change it.

And don't give me that crap about one in ten people being left-handed. That's just an overinflated statistic to make us think you're everywhere. Get back in line and use your right hand, and if your handwriting sucks it's your own fault for turning away from the right way to do things in the first place.

Christ, what's next? Lefty pride parades?