The most ominous words

Without a doubt the most ominous words on earth are when a woman says to you:  “We must talk.”

Any discussion that is initiated by these words emanating from the mouth of your spouse, mother, girlfriend, female colleague or any other female that experiences the urge to speak with you, means trouble for the person addressed.  It certainly does not mean that “we” are going to speak to one another, it merely indicates that you are in fact going to shut up and listen to what you are told.  Moreover, it also means that you will act in accordance with the instruction that is now going to be handed down much like a judgment is handed down in court.

The good news, however, is that depending on where the emphasis is placed by the speaker, the word may not necessarily mean that you are in trouble yourself.  When the “we” is emphasized, it usually indicates that you are about to be informed regarding the transgression of a third party, e.g. the children who have committed some unforgivable sin and with which you must not deal.  When the emphasis is placed on the “must”, it is usually indicative that your own transgressions have now reached such a point of unacceptability, that they can no longer be overlooked, e.g. not placing your dirty laundry in the basket, but leaving it on the bathroom floor.  Where the emphasis is placed on the “talk”, it normally indicates that the time has come to no longer pussyfoot around the problem and that you are now going to get it in the neck, e.g. when you have for three successive weekends neglected to attend to some minor maintenance task around the house.

Should you feel the urge to ignore the instruction, you will no doubt be confronted again with the introduction:  “We must talk.”  Heaven help you then.