Why would I want to be? To commend the fact that I am, for this arbitrary length of time, the "best" polo shirt wearing degenerate within the branch? Because let's face it, none of us are special. Every single one of us is replaceable within a week, and if you think anyone would care to see you go you're sorely mistaken.
"Look after yourself first, because there ain't a company in the world that treats it's people right". That's one of the only bits of true meaningful advice I've ever been given.
So no, I am not your fucking employee of the month. When they say jump, I don't ask how high, I ask "Were you made aware that I have a back problem that could be aggravated by that?" When I'm asked to do something immoral, unsafe, or illegal, you'd better believe I notarize that shit, because it ain't coming back on me. I am not paid enough to commit your acts of fraud. I am not paid enough to help shops evade their taxes. I am not paid enough to allow an Asian man to launder money.
I am not your fucking employee of the month. Employees of the month don't sit on freezer units and openly discuss striking, and they don't have the number for HR saved into their phones under Dominos.
I am not your fucking employee of the month, but when management exists only to demean, threaten, and bully, who is?
I'm making an official complaint about my workplace this evening