I am really drunk at the moment, however I think I should write this node before I forget my feelings at this point.

I am a very trusting person, I always believe that you should give people a chance after their mistakes. My (now most definately ex) girlfriend had been indesicive in the past and I had given her the benefit of the doubt.

And how does she repay me?

By betraying that trust and does exactly the same fucking thing again right in front of my friends who I had previously been singing her praises to.

How do I feel? Like a bloody idiot. I'm an idiot for placing my trust in her once again (my previous day logs have shown what she is like) and once again I feel empty and pointless.

What particularly hurts is that over the 20 years of my life this is actually my best experience so far. even my own fucking mother left me with no regard whatsoever for christs sake.

I can't think what to do. I know I must do something and I'm too tired to stay awake but I don't want to do anything. I can sit and think, but it isn't going to make anything happen.

I know a few of her friends and mine read this stuff - and if she does read this then I want her to know that I've given her more compassion and taken more indecision from her than anyone I have ever met and this is the final straw. I can't even stand to face someone who can't stick to a decision for more than 2 weeks (or on occasion days) at a time. I've got to move on now and the best thing you can do is leave me be. Don't try to be friends - you'll only try to apologise as before and your apologies mean nothing to me. In my mind an apology is a heartfelt and sincere regret of doing something and an undertaking that it should never happen again. to you it's just an emotional crutch - a way to wipe clean your sins before repeating them regardless. Please don't phone me or interfere with my life - ever!