I sit here at my desk, wondering why?

I wonder why do I have to take these pills, one peach colored one that smells like marshmallows, three lighter peach capsules, and one baby pink tablet. Even if I am diagnosed with a collection of 'illnesses'. Why? What good do these pills do me except make me 'normal'?

In my most humble opinion, I would be better off dead... Now before you get worried, don't worry about me, I have enough people that do that, and I certainly don't need any more... I won't kill myself, I can't kill myself, and I know that is as true as Jesus was Jewish. I know my demons quite well, and I know how to handle them, but let me explain why I think I rather be dead...

This world is fucked up I see nothing but wrong going on in this world. Whether it be Death rearing it's ugly head to thousands of people daily and on certain occasions are fellow friends, or Mischance popping out and hurting people, or are fellow humans doing dirty deeds in this rat race called life.

So I take these pills with my glass of chocolate milk and in my deepest hopes, I wish for it to all to end, and something better, and happier to be put in its place.

This is all because I am a nice guy, fucking best friend to everybody, a type of guy that can work a 8, 10, 12, 14 hours and probably more. Then when asked how was my day I only make it a side comment as if nothing but that should be expected. I am made of mother fucking steel and nothing can hurt me. That is my problem, I am a fucking lover of everything that can be deemed good, and all sentient or sapient beings, especially humans.

So I ask this, "for what, god?"