The Message You Will Never Get

This week has been a bad week and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. Everyday I wish something would take all this pain away. I miss you so much. I try really hard to be positive and think about all the reasons why it wouldn't have worked between us. I keep thinking back to that monday in the bar and the way you were, lots of it I can't remember because of the way I was feeling but I feel that maybe you didn't realise just how serious it all was and that shows the difference between us and your lack of maturity.

And you were immature sometimes, but that is only to be expected I guess, we all are. I suppose the difference is behaving in an immature way and actually being immature. I watched a programme last night about a couple who had been together for 8 months and had split up for a month and then got back together again. It made me feel more positive. How incredibly sad is that. I know that there is no chance for us to get back together. I know that you don't want me and that I can't possibly try to get you back because my stupid personality wont let me do that. And maybe that is a good thing. I don't think I could cope with being knocked back again by you. My head is a mess, I genuinely don't know how to deal with this situation anymore.

I know that I should smile and see you and carry on because that is the sensible thing to do but I know that I can't and I am right to feel like this. You made me believe you, you kept telling me that you loved me that you wanted to prove it to me. All those things you ever said those things to me before, I love you so much, you can't begin to understand what it is you have done to me. It all just goes round and round in my head, none of it making sense, one day I understand it all and can see it and you for what it really was and other days the pain I feel is almost unbearable and I would give anything for us to be together again.

My heart aches for you, my every waking thought is about you. One day I hope we can be friends in some way, I'm sure we will, this happens to many people and they move on and get over it. At the moment I love you with all my heart and I can't be with you and not be as we were before. I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry if that is not what you wanted. I'm looking after myself this way, and maybe you don't care anyway, maybe you have already moved on.

I don't know, maybe one day I will.