S T R E A M   O F  C O  N  S   C   I    O    U     S     N      E      S       S
it's christmas eve so i thought i should write. not necessarily about anything. just my typical thoughts. because it's said that teenagers, all their writings deal with personal identity, depression, or loneliness - something like that.

then again, what is there better to write about? some of the best art, the most creative pieces of beauty, ever made... came out of depression, and loneliness, and confusion. so fuck the stereotype - i dont care if i fit it. sometimes i'm lonely, sometimes i'm sad. i'm always confused. it's just who i am. i'm sorry...

but i'm not angry. i'm usually alone on christmas, and i'm fine with it. i don't spend much time with family... they're not much to spend time with ;) .. so I spend it at the piano, or at the computer, or in bed. i'll read for an hour, write for a few more, see how many crunches i can do... go back to it. days alone, but spent productively. few connections with the outside world.

christmas has always been a time of reflection. the movies, the stories, songs - all with undertones of life in general. memories, love, regrets, reformations - it can be moving. honestly, it can. it's beautiful. and it doesn't make me really sad, or happy, but sort of both. i like being alone, and thinking, and reading... staring at a candle flame.

it's very windy outside, and i can hear it banging against the window. the light flickers as the breeze catches it. my typing shakes the desk and the orange halo quakes. these are the holidays for me. quiet and serene, alone and thoughtful. and that rocks.

one day, maybe i'll have the joyful, bright and warm... the typical christmas. family and friends around the tree ripping open presents. not that it's a dream, but it seems like such a nice thing. it'd be nice to have that. everyone gets tired of being alone sometimes...