To Whom It May Concern:
My name is Eddie. I was born at 3:59 am on the thrid of April in the year of our Lord ninteen-hundred and eighty-four, in Nassau county medical center. That means I'm still a teenager.
I am a virgin.
I am an Eagle Scout.
I own 11 books by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. and have read 19, which comprise all of his published works. After all that, I judge his literature to be so-so. But his views on life and on people are the best. I love him as much as such a person can be loved. He's my third favorite author, behind Antione de-Saint Exupery and Victor Hugo.
I am unapologetically Catholic. I don't throw my pearls before swine. I love my enemy. I don't covet my neighbor's ass. I love Jesus for personal reasons, again, as much as such a Person can be loved. I don't give a flying fuck what any of you think about religion. Arguing it is a waste of time.
I am ad naseaum Bob Dylan fan.
I am Italian-American by birth. I love spaghetti to the point that, as a child, a family nickname of mine was Eddie Spaghetti.
I can run a mile in 4:14, or thereabouts.
I wiegh about 123 lbs. and am 5'11" tall.
I am a bit of an grouch. Chance are, I hate you.
Thanks so much for listening, ladies and gentleman. I hope you have enjoyed the show. All my best wishes to you and your families. Regards, regards. May the Lord bless you and keep you. PAX VOBISCUM. Amen.
"Make love when you can. It's good for you." K.V., Mother Night.