Back in the mid-
1980s, my friend
Josh and I spent many days
cultivating an appreciation of the
horror film
genre. Unfortunately, at this time the local video store shelves were not nearly as full as they seem to be at today's local Blockbuster. This resulted in the eventual rental of many very, very bad films including (
but not limited to) the
castratingly terrible I Spit on Your Grave.
The worst of this crop was easily The Stuff, which I would describe as a sort of a cross between Invasion of the Body Snatchers and a cotton candy documentary--that's right, evil, alien blobs (disgused as a yummy substance) get you to eat them, then take over your brain. This is bad enough, but then comes a scene that looms large in my cinematic memory and became quite a schtick within our group.
The Stuff is taking over, quickly. Our hero (David "Mo" Rutherford, played improbably by Michael Moriarty) dashes to the local radio station to get out the alarm. Suddenly, a bunch of taxis pull up and out pops a paramilitary unit the hero had a vaguely tangential encounter with about 1.5 movie-hours earlier. The hero--shocked and surprised, but glad--says, "How did you get here?" To which the leader of the group (Col. Malcolm Grommet Spears, played even more improbably by actor Paul Sorvino, who would later join Moriarty on the popular US television show Law & Order) replies, "Do you have time for a long story?" Our hero's response: "No."
And it's just left at that.
(Soon after, as have probably guessed by now, Garrett Morris's character vomits the Stuff in the general direction of the hero, and the movie reaches its dramatic climax.)
As a writer myself, I can sympathize with the screenwriter's dilemma of how to get the guys with the guns to the right place at the right time, but come on! I can only suspend my disbelief so far...
Now some important facts, in order that this may be considered noding for the ages The film made its debut in 1985, and was written and directed by the reasonably well known low-budget film guy Larry Cohen. The cast itself is surprising, as it contains many well- or moderately well known actors. In addition to those mentioned above, Danny Aiello has a role. And I ask you: have you ever seen a bad film with Danny Aiello? If not, then rent The Stuff today!