I've got a little unfocused hostility today, but no wonder: it's my birthday.1 I am 312 years old3 today. As a present to myself, I plan to enjoy the beautiful autumn day here in New Hampshire, USA.4
ENDNOTES (and don't say you weren't warned!)

1 But don't give me any goddamned birthday votes. If you want to upvote or downvote me on the merits, that works. If you want to dump random votes here for that fat XP bonus then, hey, knock yourself out. I just want it to be perfectly clear that I'm no whore, at least not when it comes to XP...alright, maybe I'm a little bit of a whore, but at least I try to be a high-class one.

2 That's right, laugh it up. Fat old man, that's me. I may have substantial back pain, the beginnings of hypertension, and a few pounds (divide that by about 2.2 for kilos, if you're one of them there metric freaks) I'd rather do without, but this much is true: I may be old, but I'm still a pretty big guy and I could probably kick your ass. So stop all your goddamned snickering about what an old fart I am or I might have to come over there and do something about it.

3 Yeah, that's right, old. This means that--dare I say it?--I'm sick to death of reading all these nodes about what a drag it is to be a kid today because (choose all that apply):

  1. I'm oh-so-smart and this is all a waste of my precious time
  2. People keep calling me a nerd or a geek or whatever the hell they call you these days
  3. The girl/boy of my dreams ignores me/hates me/is of a different sexual persuasion.

I mean come on! hey, if writing about these things is your therapy, get a notebook: don't come whining to me when I downvote your aimless ramblings (Lord knows plenty of people have mercifully downvoted mine). But more than that: get over yourself. If there's one thing I've learned in my time (and I should point out that all three of the items above, especially 2, applied to me once upon a time), and it may only be this one thing, it's that you're only as miserable as you let yourself be. Someone's calling you names: say the words (if only to yourself) bite me and you will feel better. Girl trouble? Move the hell on. Too smart? You're probably much stupider than you think, and in ten years you'll become convinced of truth of this point.

4 And that's another thing: I'm sick to death of reading all these terrible nodes about how America sucks. I don't mind if you hold this opinion, I don't even mind if you write about it. But the thing that gets me is that so many of these things are rants, rambles, or replies to an inflammatory node title such as "We RULEZ you, motherf*ckers!" Let me give you a piece of my hard earned sage wisdom: when writing, try to write well. Convince me and maybe I'll vote for you. Tell me that Denmark is morally superior because of evil American capitalists are colonizing the world and using McDonald's as a front and I'll downvote your ass. And a random tip to European noders: you may have your reasons for disliking America, and they may be good ones (tell me about them in a way that is intellectually compelling), but don't think your shit don't stink. For the most part, Americans think the same things about you. Especially about the French, whom they consider to be, to use Groundskeeper Willie's phrase, cheese-eating surrender monkeys. I actually like the French. I find their attitude endearing.

But this is another point altogether. Here's the real point: the noders that are high in the ol' levels are generally there for a reason, or a combination of several: they write well and insightfully about a range of interesting topics. That's the stuff I want to read. But a large proportion of what flows through the new writeups nodelet seems to be, how shall I say this?, crap. Don't misunderstand, I write a lot of said crap myself, but at least I ask for it to be nuked when I come to my senses. I actually take it as a good thing when I log in and see that the editors have caused the writeupstoday stat to leap into negative territory. Don't whine about it: learn from it.

And so ends my own rant for the day. It's always nice when you can focus your hostility. That's the E2 birthday present I give myself today: for today, at least, I will let out all the crotchetiness that gets built up inside when you get to be my age. Tomorrow I promise to return to being the quiet E2 citizen I have long endeavored to be.

Well, maybe tomorrow I'll take a nap instead.