I was watching TV with my roommate last night and while flipping through the channels we landed on VH1's Top 50 Soundtracks. I like soundtracks so we watched it for a while. The number six (or eight, it's not important) pick was Titanic. So we began a discussion about the movie Titanic. The dialogue started out much like all Titanic Dialogue, "God, I hate this song." "God, I hate Celine Dion." "You know, the movie wasn't that great either."

Aside from the literal pain in the ass of sitting in a theater for so long, Titanic had some real shortcomings. We both decided that it rather glamorized the life of the have nots. It seems it's a lot more fun to be poor and Irish. They get to dance around and drink beer all night whilst the stuffy rich people eat that horrible fancy food and sleep in private rooms. Oh gosh, those wealthy people are so boring and snobby, why they all treat their women horribly. It would be so much nicer to be with a dirty poor man, he would never treat a woman like property.

My roommate decided that the horror of the sinking was not properly treated in the film. "Two hours of floating corpses and screaming survivors would have been more realistic", he claimed. That boat took a long time to sink. Although I realize that certain conditions had to be met to make the film marketable to a non corpse watching audience, we agreed that the aftermath of the iceberg impact was a little too soft.

My chief complaint was the action and characters. There just weren't enough robotic ninjas for my taste. Whenever I'm watching a movie and it gets a little boring all I can think is "Gee, a few robotic ninjas would sure spice up this drama". Like in Driving Miss Daisy. "Where's my can of salmon?"

"I borrowed a can for my supper Miss Daisy, but I brought a can to replace the one I used"

"That is unacceptable, face my robotic ninjas."

"No Miss Daisy, I didn't do nothing wrong!"

"Talk is cheap, now fight or die!"

That would have been so cool.