As a young man
I had the honor of spending two years of my high school
education at a Lutheran boarding school
in rural Missouri
. Let me tell you, it was just as exciting as it sounds. We were often forced to provide our own amusements. I recall a young man that lived in the dorms with us. His name was Shelby and he... well, he had some problems.
The dorms had communal bathrooms
, these bathrooms did not have individual shower stalls. Much like a locker room
the showers were one large room with multiple shower heads. Shelby, was apparently intimidated by this as he never showered. After a month or so of this activity, his roommate
filed an official complaint and was subsequently moved to another room. Shelby's personal hygiene
habits only got worse. Had this been his only problem, he may not have been so bad to deal with. Unfortunately, he was also an ignorant braggart
and generally made a nuisance of himself. After years of reflection I have been unable to determine whether his actions were due to social ineptness
or just plain contempt.
He became angry one day and during the middle of the night he mopped
the hallway with shampoo
. At first it seemed like a poor method of revenge
. It made the floors sticky. It made our shoes sticky, and funny smelling. We didn't think much of it until we had to spend several hours cleaning it up. The floor had to be mopped over and over again with clean water.
A few chums
and I had had enough. We broke into his room while he slept and tied and gagged him with duct tape
. We clearly explained to him why we were doing this, and them we used several rolls of duct tape to suspend him to the back of the door in his room. We left him there.
When he didn't show up for class
the next day, the dorm supervisor
opened his room and discovered him. Reports indicate that by the time of discovery he had fouled
himself and his odor
was even more noxious than usual. At first I felt a little bad about the whole ordeal. It must have been terrifying
None of the individuals involved in the incident ever got in trouble though. We were never questioned
. Shelby left very shortly after this and never spoke to anyone about it. He knew who we were, we told him why we were doing it. It's possible that Shelby realized his errors, and fearing further retribution
declined to lay blame. I believe however, that this did not happen. He had never shown a proclivity to learning lessons. It is my belief that the school officials
had their fill of his activities as well, and consequently expelled him quietly.
Cleanliness after all, is next to godliness.