After being certain that this
girl is the one I
love, even as we have been separated
emotionally and
spatially the entire time (There were some brief flashes of exquisite bliss at irregular intervals, though), for a number of years, I find myself in the position I have so often
envisioned during this time: In her bed, her facing away from me, my hand on her shoulder. She was asleep moments ago, but now I hear her heavy breathing subside and I see her
eyelashes
flutter for a moment before she opens her eyes.
And yet I cannot just enjoy the moment. I fear that I don't really
love her, that I've just been
obsessed with her to provide an
escape route from other
potential relationships, and I wonder if I can make the
transition from infatuation to love after such a long time. In addition to that, there is also a chance that this might turn out to be a
transfer relationship, as she recently came out of a rather messy relationship. And need I add that the spatial
discrepancy between us haven't exactly decreased since we got together, so this will most likely be a
long distance relationship as well.
Funny how flawed ones dreams and desires of perfection seem when inspected more closely, even if the object of those dreams remain perfection embodied.