In the
Babylon 5 universe, an
excrutiatingly annoying artificial intelligence. It was the original personality for the Babylon 5 station computer, which was quickly turned off because the station architects realized the personality was completely bonkers.
Garibaldi accidentally activated it when he
rebooted the entire system to change the
command staff passwords in
Ceremonies of Light and Dark. The voice of Sparky was
Harlan Ellison, famous author and
conceptual consultant for Babylon 5.
Basically, JMS' thought was, "What would it sound like if the Babylon 5 computer went bonkers?
Harlan Ellison!" Can't argue with that logic.
And
without further ado, I present to you every line spoken by Sparky:
GARIBALDI:
(Right after unwittingly bringing Sparky online) Computer?
SPARKY: Hey, what are you looking at?
GARIBALDI: Run diagnostics.
SPARKY: What, you got a
broken arm or something? I got a station to run here.
IVANOVA: Computer!
SPARKY: Fine, I'll do a diagnostic. So maybe level 42
doesn't get it's quota of oxygen for today because I'm distracted.
SPARKY: You know, you're looking very stressed. This is not-a-good. Hey how about something to eat, maybe a nice piece of
brisket, you'll
suck an orange...
GARIBALDI: Would somebody please fix this thing before I go out of my mind?
SPARKY: Uh, not that my bruised feelings would have any meaning for you, but why are you having these people
poke me all over the place? I'm a perfectly reasonable
artificial personality. Nobody has ever complained before, but I guess some people just aren't happy unless they are messing it up for everyone else. You know you really should stand up straight,
your mother and I have been worried about this for years. We have been trying to talk you about it, but...
GARIBALDI shoots the lift speaker at this time, sadly ending the saga of Sparky forever.
There were an additional 3-4 Sparky scenes filmed for the episode, but they were unfortunately cut for time. :(