5:15 AM, Route 106/107, Jericho, NY.

Asshole Nassau County Police Officer: License and registration, please.
RimRod: I haven't received my registration card for this car yet; I just bought it three days ago.  I have my driver's license and temporary insurance card.
Officer: Okay.  I'll be right back.

The officer goes to his car and looks up my info, then walks back to my car.

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
RimRod: Actually, no I don't.  I don't think I was speeding.
Officer: You weren't...but I saw you take a sip out of your beer while you were driving.
RimRod: WHAT?!  Oh...you must mean this bottle of water I was drinking from.
Officer: Let me see that.

The officer takes my bottled water and sniffs it, seeing that it is in fact just plain old water.

Officer: Hrumph.  Have you been drinking tonight?
RimRod: No.
Officer: Will you consent to a search of your car?
RimRod: Knock yourself out.

Officer Dickwad spends five minutes searching my vehicle.

Officer: Hrumph.  Would you mind stepping out of the vehicle?
RimRod: Okay.

I get out of my car and prepare for the Field Sobriety Test.

Officer: Walk along this straight line.
RimRod: Okay.

I walk straight.

Officer: Switch off touching each of your index fingers to your nose.
RimRod: Okay.

I touch my fingers to my nose.

Officer: Say the alphabet backwards.
RimRod: ZYXWVUTSRQP...O...look, I'm sober and I can barely do this.  I'm not drunk, okay?!
Officer: Hrumph.  Will you consent to taking a breathalyzer?
RimRod: Sure, why not.

I walk to the trunk of the officer's car and blow in the thin plastic tube of the breathalyzer.  The machine dutifully informs me that I have a 0.00 Blood Alcohol Level.

Officer: Hrumph.  I guess you can go.