I have never written a
dream log or day log before, and probably never will again, but I felt compelled to write one today after the dream I had last night.
Before I go into the dream, I heard yesterday that the father of a friend of mine died pretty suddenly yesterday from cancer. The guy was 57, the same age as my own father. I thought about it a lot yesterday evening, and it would seem that this continued throughout the night.
The dream itself was unusually vivid. I've narrowed this down to the fact that it was late, I had just watched Memento and Ring back to back whilst smoking a few spliffs, so my brain was pretty much muddled by the time my head hit the pillow.
The first thing I remember from my dream is being in a relationship with one of my best friends, a girl called Shelly. I remember we were together and had just moved into a new house, beginning a new life together. Everything seemed fine, until the phone rang and it was my father. We had a conversation about something, then his voice began to quiver. I asked him whats wrong, he said that my mother had just died of cancer.
Understand now that my mother and father, in real life, are very, very close and very much in love after 32 years of marraige, so for one to lose the other suddenly would be the most severe blow that could be dealt.
So, in the dream, I started freaking out and screaming, knowing that my father was completely crushed by the death of the woman he loved. My mother. Those were my initial feelings, then I started to think about my mother and went into a regressive reflection of our relationship together, like my life and her life flashing before my eyes. It's difficult to explain, but it's like I suddenly remembered everything that my mother did for me, from taking me to my first day of school, taking me swimming, going to see Santa Claus, arranging birthdays right up to the present day, helping me to move apartments, organising suprise parties for me, giving me advice and always looking out for me.
In the dream, when I reflected on this, I was overcome with grief, and could feel myself becoming physically ill with emotion, knowing that I could never tell her again how much I appreciate everything that she had done for me, knowing that I could never sit down and talk to her ever again.
I remember walking down a country road, crying and hating myself because I never told her how I much I loved her before she died. This was the worst feeling, and so intense that I had to make myself wake up.
I was never so glad to be in the real world again.
This dream has opened my eyes and made me realise that my parents aren't young people anymore.
It made me appreciate them more, and everything they have done for me. It's taught me to be grateful for what I have, for who my parents are and what they mean to me.
If you still can, take a lesson from this like I have.