I went to the store to buy a new vibrator because my old one broke. I had been jumping on it five or six times a day, and the last time I fell on it I heard it break. This did not make me pleased, so I picked the whole unit up (I didn't want to get slivers of plastic poking me in the ass, after all) and went vibrator shopping.

I went over to the salesman, and I showed him the vibrator. He looked shocked, since it was a very old one and it had obviously been used multiple times a day. You could see the marks on it from use. I told him how I had broken it, and he admonished me. "You need to remember, these things are delicate. Ease down on them slowly, then hit the switch and enjoy yourself." I agreed that it was what I planned to do, right as I got home, I promised!

He called to the back room to see if they had one that size. It was an oversized model. They called up and said that I couldn't buy it separately.

I argued for a while, then I relented and bought a brand new overstuffed easy chair (La-Z-Boy brand) with a vibrating massage. The salesman thanked me and I took it home. I make sure I ease down on the reclining chair slowly, just like I promised.


What were you expecting, you sicko? Another Nodeshell Rescue?