How does the Divne Being protect animals from getting the shit beat out of them when they chew up the cable modem coaxial cable all along the house, then dines on a $500 hand-held radio transceiver?

He/she/it makes them cute as hell, fuzzy and with a big wet nose. He/she/it makes the animal hang out with your three kids, who are hugging on it when you discover the damage.

It's a good thing I repaired electronics for the military for eleven years. I hate running cable. Now I have to buy a roll of cable and dig out my environmental splicing kit. I have a nice laser capacitor that I will partially charge, and I'll run a wire parallel to the coax. If the fuzzy little dog-beast gnaws the cable again, he will get a nice mouthful of electron discharge.

As for the radio, it needs about $80 in parts and some micro-miniature soldering. He snagged the radio from the kitchen countertop, so I bought some mousetraps. When he jumps up to see what he can chew, he'll get his toes pinched. No, I'm not totally evil. I'll wrap the trap snare with duct tape to avoid hurting him.

The problem is he destroys things when nobody is looking. I caught him once chewing on a table leg, and I bellowed while standing over him, Alpha-dog style. He knew that he did something wrong, and hasn't chewed the table again. I can't smack him on the noggin with a lead-filled snow shoe unless I catch him in the act. Otherwise, he won't know why I was whappin on his head.

Crap, I'm out of metal braiding. Gotta pick that up tomorrow when I get the cable. Damn cute dog.

P.S. No, I don't beat my dog, even though he really deserves it at times, even with a lead-filled snow shoe.