Christmas of 1996 was a special time for me. I had actually gone into one of the slimy porno-adult bookstore places and bought my wife a gift of ben-wa balls. Ben-wa balls are metal spheres that can be inserted into various orifices. They can have strings to facilitate removal. They are designed to work your muscles in those nether regions. They were also supposed to be erotic, and I thought my wife could practice while she was at work, then come home to me in the mood.

I wrapped all of the presents that I had purchased weeks before christmas eve, since I like to hide my gifts so they don't get subjected to the "shake and guess" treatment. I sent out all of the gifts to our relatives in plenty of time for the christmas mail rush.

When Christmas Eve rolls around, we exchange one gift. I gave my wife the surprise gift. And I must admit, she was very surprised to see a gold necklace that I had purchased for her mother. I stared at her blankly for a minute before I realized I had switched the packages. My kids Grandmother was getting a nice, happy box of Ben-Wa balls (with detailed instructions), with a note signed by all of us.

We were both laughing about it hysterically, and I gave her another gift to open. We would ship the necklace out later, after the holidays.

When Grandma called later that evening, we were not going to say anything in front of the kids. Grandma said (over the speakerphone) that she loved her gift and was using them right then. We were so grossed out we had to leave the room until we could recover. She was serious, however. She kept them and ended up marrying her boyfriend. She sent us a card after the wedding thanking us for the Ben-Wa Balls, signed by both of them.