I don't daylog, blah blah blah, but this is a bit of self promotion - a few people have asked me about this, so I'm collating the info here, and it doesn't really belong anywhere else. Unless I'm allowed to create a node called Hey Guys, My Short Film Is Out Now!! Love Me!!! or something, but I guess I'm not. Which is just fucking CENSORSHIP, man.

A while back I won a scriptwriting competition run by the UK Sci Fi Channel. The prize? Have your short script professionally made into a proper short film (10 minutes), and released in the UK along with Men In Black 2, and trawled around the film festivals for ever and ever (go here - www.uk.scifi.com/htmlsite/winner2.asp - for more details, and a picture of me gurning; yes, I had to wear that t-shirt for the publicity, but I got a free GameCube, so what the hell, I'll be your whore if I get free stuff). Pretty fucking cool. I got to do rewrites, collaborate on the creative process, watch the filming, see a rough edit, and all that happy horseshit that is so exciting to me. Due to many and various reasons, it wasn't released with MIB2 - thank God, apparently it sucks big floppy donkey dicks, and nobody I know wanted to see it (MIB2, not mine).

But now, finally, it's out. It'll only be on at UCI cinemas round the country, but that's still a good few (but NOT Empire Leicester Square who are not showing it for some reason, or Lee Valley, who fucking lost their copy, the dumbasses). At the moment it's showing with The Bourne Identity, the Matt Damon Euro spy thriller remake amnesia shooty bang bang fisticuffs type thing, which is a top notch piece of cinema. If you're near a UCI cinema (NOT UCG, please, I cannot and will not be held responsible etc etc), and were going to see Matt kick some ass anyway, check it out - my short will be on just before it. No cinema showing at the moment, I'll update this when it's out again - I haven't even seen the bloody thing myself, yet. It's called Cheap Rate Gravity, and according to the rating from the BBFC (http://makeashorterlink.com/?A277265E1) it contains scenes of "mild fantasy peril" - nice! gnarl says i want 'mild fantasy peril' on a tshirt now. - Well folks, I copied his idea shamelessly, and now I have that t-shirt. Fuck, could I get any further up my own ass? Update: Apparently, yes, I can. Check out www.monkeyshatner.co.uk/cheap.html for a scan of the official certificate they sent me. Nice! I have seen the short, finally, and enjoyed it very much. There were one or two shots where the wire removal was a bit shoddy, my cameo didn't make the final cut, and I hate the added line "I'm adrift", but everything else was great, I'm totally pleased with it. Other cool thing? As I had a cameo in it, and it starred Phyllis Logan who has a Bacon number of 2, that technically means that I now have a Bacon number of 3. I have a Bacon number! Wooowooooo, etc etc. There, I think that's as far up my own ass as I can get, thankyou and goodnight.

It should be on with a few more films soon too, apparently it'll be with Halloween: Resurrection on the 25th October, but I hear that's a big pile of shit, so you may as well catch it with a decent movie before then. I'll keep this writeup updated with any news or changes. These are the UCI cinema details, if and when the short is out again:


The short will be showing from 14th February 2003 at all UCI cinemas with Final Destination 2, so get along and see it!

For UK viewers in London:

UCI Surrey Quays, Redriff Road - Surrey Quays (East London line) or Canada Water (Jubilee line) tube station

UCI Filmworks Greenwich - fuck knows, it's in the middle of nowhere - check www.thefilmworks.co.uk for maps and stuff

UCI Whiteleys - Bayswater tube (District and Circle line)

The Whiteleys one is probably easiest to get to. Go to http://makeashorterlink.com/?R2BA317F1 - it's the blue building in the middle. I haven't got a copy yet, but if you want to wait until I do, that's cool, I'm not forcing anyone to pay 8 quid (after 5pm and weekends, 5.75 before 5pm) to see a 10 minute film that you might not even like.

Outside London: Go to www.uci-cinemas.co.uk, click on What's On, and choose your nearest area.

Ireland, rest of Europe, USA, rest of the world: tough luck. You have two choices: wait for it to be tramped round to a film festival near you, hoping that serendipity will prevail, or just come and visit me when I have a VHS copy. Actually, there's a third choice: you can ignore the whole thing, and manage to get on with your life quite easily. But for the purposes of this daylog, I am the most important person in the universe.

And as this is a daylog, some personal detail: Virgin Radio just played November Rain, but faded it out juuuuust before the wicked geetar solo, which is shocking behaviour, although not as bad as their day of tragi-tainment when they played 911 calls + screams of terror over records on the Sep. 11th anniversary. For lunch I had KFC chips, a large banana (one medium brown spot), a Cadbury Fudge, and a packet of Nice and Spicy Nik Naks. I haven't failed any tests, broken up with anyone, or argued with my mother, so I apologise for the lack of angst. But hey, I guess you just wouldn't understand anyway...