The secrit diry of George W. Bush

Thursday 27th March 2003

War going great! Lots of bombs and splosions and stuff, plenty of Eye-rackies taken out. Gave a speech yesterday to some army folk; didn't really have any facts for em, but I looked em right in the eye and said that we'd win, no matter what - I got a heck of a lotta cheers! Some whoops and hollers, too!

To top off a great day, my best friend Tony came by to visit. We went to my room and listened to records, I like that new Snoop track, but Tony thinks he cusses too much. He's such a square! I love him though. We talked about how much we'd like to kiss that April Laveene chick, and Tony went all red - and when I stared at a poster of April, I felt all hot, and my thingy went all straight and hard - Tony didn't notice, good thing too, it was scary. I hope I didn't catch anything.

Saddam has been saying nasty things about me again. I hate him so much. I asked my daddy to go and beat him up a few years ago, but I guess nothing came of it. He won't talk about it now, sends me to my room if I even mention the desert. But I'll show that Saddam, by golly! Wait'll he sees the reinforcements coming for im! It'll make him just about shit!

Casualty report so far: 22 of our boys (9 by friendly fire, 13 by dirty Eye-rackies), 20 of Tony's boys (18 by friendly fire or accidents, 2 by filthy Eye-rackies) - also 2 of Tony's boys are missing. I think they're dead, they've been gone a long time without their dinner. I bet the Eye-rackie soldiers are embarrassed as all hell, seeing as how we've killed more of our own troops than they've managed to! We bagged 27 of our own in friendly fire, they've only killed 17 of us! We're showing them dumbass Eye-rackies, by gum! Plus, we've waxed over a thousand of their troops, and a couple hunnert civilians - people got angry today about that market bombing, but hey, as we say in Texas, if you can't stand the heat, you ain't got no business in the kitchen. Pause here. Day by day, Saddam is losing his grip. Pause here a bit longer. And we will prevail. Hold for cheers, whoops and hollers. Oh, wait, I'm just repeating my speech from the other day! I do that sometimes, I forget what I'm saying and where I am! Silly me! I'd forget my own head if I dun left it in yon chicken house!

Weapons of mass dee-struction found so far: None yet. But I know he's hidin em!