It's the first day of the New Year
and the goodies
are tempting me right now. The good ol' booze and pills. There was a time when I was abusing the very thing that's supposed to help me. I would not only take more medication than was prescribed for me, but I also began mixing them with alcohol. Most of the time, I was so high that I had no idea what was going on around me. Nor did I care.
Commit suicide? No. I've been down this road before. I know just how much to take to catch a buzz or make myself numb just for a little while. I don't want to die because I have too much to live for. I have a family that loves me, friends that care. Last but not least, I've yet to finish doing what I've been put on this earth to do.
So why did I even think about getting high today? I'm in pain. I've not been feeling well for over a month. This is not uncommon with a disability such as mine, but none of this gives me the right to wallow in self pity or attempt to ease any discomfort or pain I may be feeling by taking the chances I was taking then. Especially when I think about them. Who the hell am I to take an easy way out when I know there are those who only have bravery and a smile as weapons against their pain? There's a difference taking medication to ease pain and abusing. I was abusing my meds and myself.
Yes, I hurt right now and I'm uncomfortable, but I love people and I love life, which has been a wonderful journey so far and no journey worth taking is easy. I found that out the hard way. There was a time that I would head right for the bottle and the pills. Not anymore. Life is too precious and I have so much to be thankful for. As for the pain, I've found better and more healthy ways to deal with it.
Happy New Year