I don't often gripe about work. May I gripe about work for just a second? Thanks.

Request submitted this morning, signed by the employee's supervisor and her departmental director (edited for clarity and brevity):
The mouse I was using tended to pick up hairballs which caused it to behave erratically, thereby slowing down my productivity. Also, I was forced to clean it once a week. So without consulting you, I bought a forty dollar optical mouse at Costco and expect your department to reimburse me for it.

Now I'm no computer whiz, but from her description of the issue that prompted her purchase, and the fact that everyone else in the company seems to be doing fine with regular-type mice, I suspect the problem MAY NOT BE her mouse but rather that her mouse pad is covered in filth. I mean..."hairballs"? What the hell is up with that?? I was tempted to interoffice her a sponge.

Phone call I received this afternoon:
Something's wrong with the network. It's taking forever to open multiple emails from company VIPs with seven-megabyte Powerpoint presentations attached to them, and I'm dialed in to the network on a laptop with a 56k modem. Why is that?

Um...because you're trying to download really big files over a 56k connection? Through Outlook, which we have time and time again asked people not to use for the transferring of large files?

But this is, after all, what they pay me to do. I furthermore believe that one of my duties as a human being on planet Earth is to make things better for other folks where I possibly can, or at least not worse. I responded to both inquiries in a courteous and helpful manner. I did not set myself on fire and jump out the window.

At the same time and hundreds of miles away, Igloowhite is driving down the highway with the windows down and the music turned up, the sun in his eyes and the wind in his hair. I see him in my mind's eye for just a moment, and then the phone rings again and I return to my life, which is already in progress.