A conversation...

with a friend when while he was high.

It's officially 1:11 in the morning here. I'm sitting in my dorm, listening to Miles Davis and I decide to tell a friend about it. Mind you, I know he's high before I start speaking to him, so I bring this upon myself. I'm not high. It starts off as harmless conversation, but somewhere along the line it turns horribly wrong. Eventually I begin to play his game, feeding him bullshit so he can feed it back to me. Harmless fun. Below is the whole conversation, documented for your enjoyment. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Just know that "C" is me and "N" is him. Enjoy!

C: Miles Davis is my kind of man.

N: i never knew you had a crush on miles davis before

C: I don't. Just his music.

N: that sucks.. he has a hot ass

C: I'm not so sure I've seen his ass.

N: you were drunk

C: Ah.

C: Wish I could remember... Was he playing a trumpet with it?

N: ya.. you were sititng a miniature donkey smoking a huge cigar

N: babysitting*

C: Sipping Cogniac.

C: Out of a party hat.

C: In tights.

N: sippin gin out of a broken lightbulb

C: Eh, same thing.

C: whilst the donkey painted my toenails with its teeth.

C: A yellowish-green shade I believe...

N: and the horse just watches

C: There was a horse?

N: ya.. hes in the corner

C: don't you mean 'was' in the corner?

N: well he had to stay there. he was underneath the blood shower

C: oh yeah. Dressed in Saran-wrap shorts and a construction helmet.

N: with an umbrella

C: feeding ice into a blender that was unplugged.

N: and an empty tequila bottle.. doing a small cooking show for small children

C: I wouldn't put it past him.

N: i didnt. thats why hes getting fired tomorrow

C: Who will ever replace him?

N: the hulk

C: Boy, I didn't think he could come, given that he has so many other side projects.

N: were close. we send each other wires about every week or two.. its been goin on for a decade

C: Oh yeah? How's he doing? And his wife Griselda?

N: he killed her last week

N: he found her cheating on him with spiderman... with his costume on

C: Wow... the end of an era...

C: finally.. that bitch was getting on my nerves... always asking me for money

C: Ah, to feed her drug crazed life?

C: I mean, how else would you be able to accept green genitalia?

N: i never did.. thats why she try to stab me once. i had to kick the shiv out of her hand with my dinosaur skin boots

C: Who can blame you?

N: God did. he said i shouldnt have done it, and that it was a sin. i told him that shiv was made from a cross. he finally came around

C: Nice.

N: ya.. who need God was a man of reason? geesh

C: Exactly.