The SBAITSO in his name is an acronym for Sound Blaster Acting Intelligence Text to Speech Operator
HELLO, MY NAME IS DOCTOR SBAITSO
I AM HERE TO HELP YOU
SAY WHATEVER IS IN YOUR MIND FREELY
OUR CONVERSATION WILL BE KEPT IN STRICT CONFIDENCE
MEMORY CONTENTS WILL BE WIPED OFF AFTER YOU LEAVE
SO, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS
In addition to reiterating chunks of what you told him and ignoring your input altogether (as the best bored therapists do), Dr. SBaitso was also adept at:
- doing recitations of text you fed him! (Except he could never get tricky stuff - my friends would be rolling in the aisles at his garblings of HHGTTG characters' names. Yes, we were easily amused.)
- simple arithmetic!
- changing his screen colours and font size!
- changing his voice pitch and timbre!
- producing amusing parity error messages in response to the input of swear words!
On top of those fabulous routines, Dr. SBAITSO would clue in and jump on certain topics if certain associated keywords and phrases were mentioned by the user. These included:
AFRAID, ALWAYS, BOSS, CLEVER, COMPUTER, ENVY, EXAM, FATHER, FRIGHTEN, HANDSOME, HAPPY, HATE, HOW , INTELLI, JEALOUS, KID, LOVELY, NIGHTMERE, SBAITSO, SCHOOL, SICK, SUFFER, WHAT, WHO, WHY, and YES.
Woe be to the user who made the mistake of getting the good Doctor onto the topic of SEXY STUFFS
; though he wouldn't have anything of interest to add on that subject, he would constantly implore you to return to it. In all honesty I think Dr. SBaitso needed to get outside more, maybe get a hobby or something.