So. k. I have taken a job. as a Lan Admin. A big shocker to me first because a fat job just threw itself at me and two because I talked so much shit about not doing this type of work again. I dont really want to be a Lan Admin, I want to be an Artist. I want to make shit and look for something brilliant. I take this job with my brain telling me I will stay for a year and I will work hard and it will go by fast and then I will have more money to take another 4 or 5 months off. Who knows though. Who knows if its all going to work out, they might change there minds, which would be crazy sleazy but who knows, and I wont have this job anymore and I will have to adapt and say that it is for the best and take some temp jobs and throw myself harder into making something (or just wasting the time away depending on your perspective). I think it will go through. It beter I spent a weeks bedget in like two days depending on reentering the world of money. money money. I was a egotisticall prick last time I had this type of job and I became way to materlistic and quit and things felt a lot beter. There were different challenges but things felt more whole and living off of nothing for a long time was actually beter for me overall. so why go back? I guess I am scared of not working. Of getting a pay check and not having some structure in my life. I have no structure right now. I still get up early at around 700 or 730 and I still go tot bed late though sometimes since monika sleeps so early I enjoy a full nights sleep. I am eating beter for sure. I bike one day or just hang around China Town or the Lake and read a lot a just do nothing really. Learn a little about metal working draw some pictures. Try and figure out what has a low combustion rate and doesnt give off toxic smoke. Just fart around and do nothing and wait for monika to come home. It was a blast and I guess its over. I hate work. fuck work. The Abolition of Work.
If you have something to fall back on, you always will