I had a night terror for the first time in about a year. I kept thinking I was awake and couldn't fall asleep and then I would notice something odd, like that I was jerking back and forth as if i was a passenger in a standard automobile, and then I would realize I was asleep and dreaming and I would wake myself up. Then I would think I was awake again but really asleep something odd would happen, like I would hear my father(who is not in the house where I live) laughing just outside my room, and I would wake myself up. As this happened over and over I would look at the clock and time would be going forward and backward between these episodes and I would want to cry because I knew I was in the loop of not being able to tell where the dream began or stopped. Then it gets scary. The fear builds up and what can only be described as an anxiety attack occurs. I become paralyzed and lose the ability to speak. I can hear words in my head but when I try and speak nothing comes out and the effort causes tension and stress in my head and throat. When I try and move I know my brain is sending the messages but nothing moves. Then evil sets in. Last night it was a swirl of Grey on the side of my wall. The swirl was a rift and with it came a deep threat of evil things. I prayed for strength and reminded myself it was not real. A hand came out of it, I know I’m dreaming but it feels more like being awake then dreaming, I’m still paralyzed and the hand reaches out and just hovers, dripping with a Grey sickness, palm and fingers spread hovering above my face.

I spoke with my mother in the morning about it. She had the same type of dream last night. Constantly waking up but really being asleep, ending in paralysis. For her the evil was the essence of rape. Hovering. When I told my mother the dream she was almost sick.