The following was written by a lawyer friend of mine's work colleague
. I'm scared he'll sue
me if I don't include his name, bit I'm also scared his entrire firm
will sue me if I do include their name. OK, his name is Troy Swan and the firm he works for includes a sea creature
in their name.
LAWYERS' SEASONAL GREETING
From us ("the wishor") to you ("hereinafter called the
wishee") Please accept without obligation, implied or
implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious,
socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-
addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter
solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable
traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or
secular practices of your choice, with respect for the
religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others,
or their choice not to practice religious or secular
traditions at all... and a financially successful,
personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated
recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar
year 2001, but with due respect for the calendars of choice
of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race,
creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith,
choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the
By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that-
- This greeting is subject to further clarification or
- This greeting is freely transferable provided that no
alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that
the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.
- This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually
implement any of the wishes.
- This greeting may not be enforceable in certain
jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be
binding upon certain wishes in certain jurisdictions and is
revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.
- This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be
expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a
period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent
holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
- The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited
replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the
sole discretion of the wishor.
- Any references in this greeting to "the Lord", "Father
Christmas", "Our Saviour", or any other festive figures,
whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply
any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting,
and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party
names and images are hereby acknowledged.