Santa Claus is real. Rather, he was real. He died in late December of 1973, after consuming milk and cookies that had been laced with amatoxin. This came as something of a shock, as an attempt on Santa's life hadn't been made since Frederick Cook's failure of 1908, which had shown the jolly old elf to be impervious to a host of weapons and chemicals. Unwilling to risk the blow that St. Nick's death could deal to the global economy, a cover-up was put into action. To this day, a covert international organization, millions strong, works to maintain the illusion that Santa Claus is alive, well, and doing his Christmas thing.
One in ten parents are too worried to take the training wheels off their child's bike, opting to spray paint them invisible instead.
"Orange Julius" comes from the stage name of Julius Dreef, who was
exhibited alongside John Merrick in Tom Norman's penny gaff.
A new pair of Chuck Taylor All-Stars will have a layer of fuzz over parts of the sole. Why is this there? Because it saves Converse money. Instead of waiting for the taylorchucks (distant, rubbery-skinned relatives of the woodchuck) to molt their adolescent fuzz, Converse skins them prematurely, saving fodder, knowing that the fuzz will come off after a couple months of wear. That the fuzz allows the Chucky T's to be imported under a lower tariff? Coincidental gravy.
Death by boiling had been tried for centuries, with no success, before executioners thought to blindfold the condemned.
What you recognize as the sound of a flute is actually made by complicated contortions of the human vocal folds. All so-called flute playing is really careful ventriloquy.
- 3% of all left-handed people are named Ashley. This is a
metaphysical law. Because of this, we know that the
original population of left-handed people arose simultaneously, and that
there will either always be left-handers, or there will be some moment
in which all southpaws die at the same time.
Smoking cigarettes backwards has been shown to counteract respiratory disease.
- Nine in ten parents, after taking the training wheels off their child's bike, attach them to their own. (That night, alongside the other eight parents, they ride for the first time in 25 years.)