The Experience of Appendicitis

After driving down to Santa Cruz to visit my friend Rosie, I experienced three bowel movementless days, the cause of which is unknown. It could have been the change in climate, diet, or perhaps some kind of psychological signal from my environment. Strangely enough, my lack of poo-poo didn't concern me whatsoever, and I went about my days normally; flying kites, chasing butterflies in sunny fields.

The next day, however, I awoke with a tremendous pain in my abdominal region. At first I thought I had a simple case of gas, and took a delicious, cherry Gas-X. However, the pain got worse, so I ended up at my doctor's. He poked around my stomach with one cold, stubby finger, and I was reminded of an old EGA game where you had to diagnose patients and then operate on them. The most common ailment was always an appendicitis. Suddenly, the doctor told me to rush to the hospital while he called a surgeon, golf-buddy of his - I had an inflamed appendix.

With the pain in my gut worsening, I checked in at the hospital, changed into an embarrassing gown and lay on a wheeled bed. I was gased. When I came to, there was a huge bandage over my lower right-hand stomach area. Also, I was on Heavy Painkillers. All day long I recieved nervous visitors and read Cryptonomicon. At night I heard a crazy person two floors up scream for someone to kill him.

Thanks to modern medical techniques I could go home the very next day! Hooray!

Plus, I was more efficient, not having a superfluous organ in my body. All this, plus training and natural ability, have led to me winning the Olympic Gold Medal for Skiing and Shooting!