I had my first baby moment this morning. My first yearning for a child. It was weird and deep and full. I was cleaning up because our apartment was a huge mess of clutter. Things everywhere. I realized that since Scoresby and I decided that we want to have a kid, I have been buying baby clothes. Not just any baby clothes, but cool baby clothes. A tiny orange outfit with a pink octopus and the words “Happy Octopus” on the front, a toddler t-shirt that says “Pandas Poo A lot” that I designed myself, a vintage Cookie Monster sweater picked up at the thrift store. I gathered all of these things together and started to fold them to put them away. Noticing how small the octopus outfit was, I just felt this amazing surge of emotion. It was really wonderful and scary at the same time; that such a small thing could make me yearn for a child like this. The scary part is that these kinds of feelings are so foreign to me, and I wonder how much hormones have to do with it.

I was about to tell Scoresby about this first baby moment when I heard on MSNBC that NASA had lost contact with the space shuttle. I sat down on the couch wide-eyed. It only took minutes for them to start showing us the debris. It reminded me of the first shuttle explosion, I was in the seventh grade and they wheeled the t.v. in to let us watch the footage. My seventh grade teacher had been friends with the teacher who died on that shuttle and I remember her bursting into tears and running from the room.

It has been an emotional morning. I have been watching the news about this for two hours and it only feels like minutes have passed.