He came to the party. I found myself sitting on the back porch trying to plan an escape for when things got hectic. I lit a cigrette and cooked the eye that was staring down at it. Shit. That fucking hurt.

So... How did I get in this mess? Well the answer, inevitably, don't date people. I used to think there was a clause to that sentence: Don't date people who...

-have boyfriends in jail. -procreated more than once. -lift weights.

No, and no again, I understand that there is no novel long enough to secure that sentence.

They call him Highlander, and everyone was telling me to hide. He thinks I like his girlfriend, but let me tell you how joyous I was the day I boke it off with her. He should be thanking me for freeing her up. But rationality must never have been mastered by his particular species. After I came back in, he walked in the room and grabbed a bottle of rum off the table.

"Guess whoever's this was is hit. Oh yeah, and you're gonna fuckin' die little man." He points to me, in case anyone was confused, and storms off to find his "bitch".

The hottest girl in the room looked up from her game of pool and said, "That guy's scary."

Yes, Michelle, that guy is scary to big tall street people like me, nevermind tight little vixens with beautiful voices. He came back in after a minute. He had his tree climbing ninja claw on backwards(spikes out) and carried a sword behind his back.

"I don't know why you're still in the room." He put his hand on the edge of the table and used the claw to steady his blade. He took a shot at the eight ball and turned away from my corner.

People probably thought that he gave me the mark under my eye. Now I knew they were afraid to ask. I left. Michelle followed me.

"You need a ride?" she asked.


In the driveway a stranger came out of the shadows.

"Hey! You the guy Highlander's tryin to kill?"

It was Kevin. Oh thank Christ. It was Didn't-we-grow-up-together Kevin. Thank the football playing gods of bodygaurds, Kevin is HUGE. Huge like Rhino!!! He's Now-I-can-stay-and-party-cuz-this-huge-guy-got-my-back huge.

"Shit man, it's me, Shane."

"What?! Shane? Yo, Highlander's my buddy. Lemme talk to him for ya'."