Do you ever have a day, where you think you might just
explode?
This afternoon was one of these times... It's not like I really know
why I felt that way - it's not in my
nature, at all.
But standing in the 3rd floor
conference room, with barely any
personal space, looking out at the
rain pouring down
outside, I was struck with an incredible
urge to just
run...hit the lift to the ground floor, head outside, and let the rain
soak me.
I wanted to be
totally alone, in that space, and just fucking
scream.... I wanted to take on the
storm, to believe that
the simmering
madness inside me at that time had the
power to make even
nature tremble. I wanted to explode,
with force enough to
tear my very
existence apart.
Instead, I stood inside, with everyone else watching the
Melbourne Cup. I let the
incessant chatter
cut through me.
I
endured the
fake laughter, the pathetic
jokes. I stood in a room where it wasn't ok to feel
lonely, wasn't ok to feel
sad.
Everyone had to wear a
hat...
And all the time, I had a
song running wild through my mind...
In the face of the fire,
You see angels conspire
Will they hear your desires
Will they stop your soulbreaking
Could they stop your soulbreaking
(The Tea Party - Soulbreaking)
Maybe these days, I'm
scared to hear my own
desires...