Do you ever have a day, where you think you might just explode?

This afternoon was one of these times... It's not like I really know why I felt that way - it's not in my nature, at all.
But standing in the 3rd floor conference room, with barely any personal space, looking out at the rain pouring down
outside, I was struck with an incredible urge to just run...hit the lift to the ground floor, head outside, and let the rain
soak me.

I wanted to be totally alone, in that space, and just fucking scream.... I wanted to take on the storm, to believe that
the simmering madness inside me at that time had the power to make even nature tremble. I wanted to explode,
with force enough to tear my very existence apart.

Instead, I stood inside, with everyone else watching the Melbourne Cup. I let the incessant chatter cut through me.
I endured the fake laughter, the pathetic jokes. I stood in a room where it wasn't ok to feel lonely, wasn't ok to feel sad.

Everyone had to wear a hat...

And all the time, I had a song running wild through my mind...

In the face of the fire,
You see angels conspire
Will they hear your desires
Will they stop your soulbreaking
Could they stop your soulbreaking

(The Tea Party - Soulbreaking)

Maybe these days, I'm scared to hear my own desires...