Yay for
New Years Eve and fucking with my head and
the little knot in my stomach more than any other day in a long time.
There's this girl (there's always a girl). We'd been friends for about 10 months--the better part of this year. She goes to school, out of state, with a close friend of mine. And when I visited him, I also got to meet her. On and off over the past one or two months, we've sort of been flirting, goofing around, whatever. And I never took it too seriously, and I don't think (didn't think?) she did either. And now, thanks to the wonderful aid of alcohol and marijuana, I'm not all that sure.
See, after a few drinks we ended up smooching. Fairly briefly, because I felt kinda weird about it. In fact, this may have been after smoking up too. I don't remember (isn't that always a good sign?) And then later, this time at my house (the party had sort of migrated about half an hour. Thank god for designated drivers.) We ended up smooching again. Just a few minutes, and nothing really serious.. I think, I hope.
See... I don't want to get started on a relationship with her, or anyone. Especially not a long distance one. And now I'm in the tough position of A) not knowing what she's thinking or feeling, and B) wondering how I'm gonna let her know all of this.
So whatever. I went to sleep and sort of hoped everything would be forgotten or unimportant in the morning. Then comes the grabbing of the hand.. kissing it.. this was all on her part. And I am so lost.
May see her tomorrow to go record shopping with some friends. God. I really need to talk to our mutual friend. Too bad he's fucking his girlfriend right now.