Wrestlemania II (thing)

New York Ringside Announcers: Vince McMahon and Susan Saint James
Chicago Ringside Announcers: Gorilla Monsoon, Mean Gene Okerlund, and Cathy Lee Crosby
Los Angeles Ringside Announcers: Jesse "The Body" Ventura, Elvira, and Lord Alfred Hayes
Ring Announcers: Howard Finkel (New York), Chet Coppock (Chicago)
America The Beautiful performed by: Ray Charles in New York

Mean Gene introduces pre-recorded comments from Roddy Piper. Piper announces that he will retire from wrestling if he loses to Mr. T.

"The Magnificent" Don Muraco (with Mr. Fuji)
vs.
"Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff

Result: After they exited the ring, both men were counted out.

Meanwhile, Mr. T is backstage. He doesn't like to talk before a fight, so he ain't gonna. All he's gonna say is that he, the Haiti Kid, and Joe Frazier are gonna kick some ass tonight.
 

Intercontinental Championship

George "The Animal" Steele (Challenger)
vs.
"Macho Man" Randy Savage (Champion) (with the first lady of wrestling, Elizabeth)

Result: Macho Man retains his title after using the ropes as leverage to pin The Animal. After losing the match, The Animal ate one of the turnbuckles, then attacked the referee.

In Chicago, Mean Gene interviews Bill Fralic of the Atlanta Falcons and Big John Studd on the upcoming football players versus wrestlers Battle Royale. Back in New York, Vince and Susan talk about snakes...
 

George Wells
vs.
Jake "The Snake" Roberts

Result: Jake "The Snake" Roberts by pinfall, after the famed DDT. After the match, Wells gets a taste of Damien, Jake's python.

A special piece follows documenting the history of bad blood between Piper and Mr. T. In Los Angeles, Ventura interviews Hulk Hogan about his steel cage match with King Kong Bundy. Back in New York, Finkel announces the guest ring announcer, Joan Rivers. She, in turn, introduces the judges, Cab Calloway, G. Gordon Liddy, and Darryl Dawkins; guest timekeeper, Herb; and referee Jack Luntz.
 

Special Ten Round Boxing Match

Mr. T (with Joe Frazier and the Haiti Kid)
vs.
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper

Result: Piper scores a knockdown in the 2nd round, while Mr. T gets on of his own in the 3rd. Piper is disqualified in the 4th round after punching the ref and bodyslamming Mr. T.

The action moves to Chicago... Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund introduce the 'lovely and talented' Cathy Lee Crosby.
 

Ladies Championship

Velvet McIntyre (Challenger)
vs.
The Fabulous Moolah (Champion)

Result: Moolah by pinfall after McIntyre missed a top-rope manuever. The match lasts less than a minute.

Flag Match

Nikolai Volkoff (with Classie Freddie Blassie)
vs.
Corporel Kirchner

Result: Corporel Kirchner by pinfall. Blassie tries to interfere by throwing his cane into the ring for Volkoff, but Kirchner catches it instead and clocks the Russian while the referee isn't looking.

Chicago's own Gene Okerlund announces the rules of the upcoming over-the-top Battle Royale. He also announces the timekeeper, Clara Peller as well as guest referees Dick Butkus and Too Tall Jones.
 

20-Man Battle Royale

Jimbo Covert, Pedro Morales, Mr. USA Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin, Goldenboy Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes, B. Brian Blair, Jumpin' Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic, Bret "The Hitman" Hart, Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart, Russ Francis, Bruno Sammartino, William "Refridgerator" Perry, and Andre The Giant.

Order Of Elimination: Covert, Tonga, Holmes, Brunzell, Atlas, Martin, Morales, Arcidi, Spivey, Hillbilly, Blair, Fralic, Sheik, Sammartino, Fridge, Studd, Francis, Anvil, Hitman.

Winner: Andre The Giant

In New York... McMahon interviews Piper. Piper claims that Mr. T cheated, and on top of that, "cuts his hair like an Indian." In Chicago, Okerlund interviews Jimbo Covert. Covert feels that he was cheated as well, despite being the first eliminated in the match. Iron Sheik interrupts to extol the virtues of his home country, Iran.
 

Tag Team Championship

The British Bulldogs (with Captain Lou Albano and Ozzy Osbourne) (Challengers)
vs.
Greg "The Hammer" Valentine and Brutus Beefcake (with "Luscious" Johnny Valiant) (Champions)

Result: After pulling his opponent up from a sure three-count, Valentine is whipped head-first into Dynamite Kid's noggin. Davey Boy Smith quickly capitalizes, scoring the pinfall and the title for the British Bulldogs.

The action moves to Los Angeles... Jesse "The Body" Ventura introduces Lord Alfred Hayes and Elvira.
 

Hercules Hernandez
vs.
Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat

Result: Steamboat gets the win with a flying cross-body from the top rope followed by a 1-2-3.
 

Adorable Adrian Adonis (with "The Mouth Of The South" Jimmy Hart)
vs.
Uncle Elmer

Result: Adonis wins by pinfall after a top rope splash.
 

Terry + Hoss Funk (with "The Mouth Of The South" Jimmy Hart)
vs.
Tito Santana + Junkyard Dog

Result: The Funk Brothers pick up the win after using Jimmy Hart's megaphone to knock Junkyard Dog unconscious.

While the steel cage is erected, footage is shown of previous incidents between King Kong Bundy and Hulk Hogan. Hulkster is shown training with injured ribs. Ventura interviews Bundy and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, who both guarantee a victory over Hulk. The guest ring announcer Tommy Lasorda is introduced, who then introduces guest timekeeper Ricky Schroder and guest referee Robert Conrad.
 

Steel Cage Heavyweight Championship Match

King Kong Bundy (with Bobby "The Brain" Heenan) (Challenger)
vs.
Hulk Hogan (Champion)

Result: Although Bundy tries several times to go over the top and through the door, the training, the prayers, and the vitamins pay off, as Hulk Hogan goes over the top and retained the title. After the match, he traps Bobby Heenan in the ring and beats him mercilessly. Cue "Real American". Cue ten minutes of posing. End Wrestlemania II.