"Listen, rummy, I'm going to say it plain and simple. Where'd you pinch the hooch? Is some blind tiger jerking suds on the side?"

"Remember, people, baby turtles and alligators may seem like a good idea as pets, but they grow up!"

Rex Banner: "Are you the beer baron?"
Comic Book Guy: "Yes, but only by night. By day, I'm a mild-mannered reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper."
Rex Banner: "Don't crack wise with me, tubby!"
Comic Book Guy: "Tubby? Oh yes, tubby."