This kid I know tried to pick a fight with Jaromir Jagr. Well, OK, not really, but...

A bunch of us were at Dad's Diner on Boylston Street, when Jagr, Mario Lemieux, Kevin Stevens, and two other Penguins come walking in. Jagr was the only one I recognized, because of the big poofy haircut he has. One of my friends, Craig, sitting two stools down from Jagr, attempted to start a "Let's Go Rangers!" chant. Unfortunately, he was the only one doing it, I think mostly because we were in Boston, and the Rangers play in New York. The Penguins probably didn't even hear him, but being about 30 points up in the standings on the Rangers, they probably wouldn't have taken offense, either.

Meanwhile, every puck fuck in Boston is gathered around the Penguins. Now this other kid John has a problem. After about two beers, he can't stand not being the center of attention. And when five of the Pittsburgh Penguins are in a bar, chances are you're not going to be the center of attention. He's sufficiently wasted, and he keeps talking shit about Jagr, but not loud enough for Jagr to hear. Then he starts talking about breaking a beer bottle over his head. "I'm gonna do it!" he announces. Then realizing that no one is holding him back, he recants, "Naw, I better not." After about an hour-and-a-half of this, we get ready to leave the bar. On the way out the door, he shouts to him, "HEY, JAGR, I'VE SEEN THAT JOFA HELMET YOU WEAR AND IT SUCKS!" Then he runs for his life down Boylston Street.

We catch up to him and he's all excited. "Was he pissed, guys, was he pissed? I got him good! He's too big of a pussy to come after me!" Craig replies, "John, first of all, he's Czechoslovakian. He probably didn't understand a word you said. Second, even if he did, why would he be offended if you don't like his helmet? Third, even if he was offended by it, why would he waste his effort on someone a foot shorter and a hundred pounds lighter than he is?" To which John replies, "You're just pissed 'cause I was the only one that had the balls to talk shit to him!"