My grandmother appears to be improving. My boyfriend and I visited her in Columbus, Georgia this weekend and she did not cry as much- we joined her for lunch at a fish restaurant she adores and she spoke to us of the many wonderful times she and my grandfather had over the years fishing, vacationing and the like. Things are still tough for her right now, and it feels good when I have the chance to spend time with her. She and my grandfather had 69 good years together- he has passed away, but so many people never get the chance to achieve what they did as a loving, generous couple. They were never looking to make some great impact on the whole world. They just wanted to carry on a good life and have some decent impact on the small community they lived in. They succeeded, and I will always admire and love them.

The editor here at my office may be leaving to persue law in Rhode Island. He asked me the other day if I would be interested in taking his place. It may seem like a great opportunity, and while I’m flattered to be considered next in line, I don’t have much interest at the moment in “moving up.” I am queen of the guilt complex, so I do feel bad about my lack of interest, but I don’t carry much ambition for this job, or much of any other really. This is my primary concern these days: Must find drive. I just have problems dealing with people (I’m no good at it), and my mind and heart would not be in the job of editor. I have no passion for this community (I don’t even live here, I commute) and the editor is required to live here, so if I did take that offer I would have to move. I like where I live. And frankly, this community is whacked.

My interest lies primarily in fiction writing- the book I have been working on may not achieve publication- but at the moment, that’s ok. The world of novel writing is where my goals remain. I will rest, then I will eventually continue to persue. I realize I may be feeding my hermit habit, but how I would love to just be working from home. To not have to deal with this office every day. It’s not all awful, I must say- there are good days and I generally get along with the newsroom staff- but I’m still shy, get flustered when I am stressed, and I’m revolted by the gossip and inane chatter that goes on throughout this place. I should let it go, I know, accept the inevitable cruelties of the environment. But I admit it. I’m sensative. Bury me now. The world breaks everyone.

I’ll move away from this topic. (And blame PMS for the extra dose of neurosis). Phil and I saw “A Beautiful Mind,” yesterday, and I very much enjoyed it. I’m not a big Russell Crowe fan at all, but the movie was well done and he did a nice job. Next movie on my list to see: Gosford Park. We then enjoyed a wonderful Sunday evening in, munching on potato dumplings by candlelight and being beautifully lazy.

I must return to my work day. Avoid the shrapnel from the gossip and all. I should look at it differently- make it a game of sorts. Be like Frogger.