appears to be improving. My boyfriend and I visited her in Columbus, Georgia
this weekend and she did not cry as much- we joined her for lunch
at a fish restaurant she adores and she spoke to us of the many wonderful times she and my grandfather had over the years fishing
, vacationing and the like. Things are still tough for her right now, and it feels good when I have the chance to spend time
with her. She and my grandfather had 69 good years together- he has passed away, but so many people never
get the chance to achieve what they did as a loving, generous couple. They were never looking to make some great impact on the whole
world. They just wanted to carry on a good life and have some decent impact on the small community they lived in. They succeeded, and I will always admire
and love them.
The editor here at my office may be leaving to persue law in Rhode Island. He asked me the other day if I would be interested in taking his place. It may seem like a great opportunity, and while I’m flattered to be considered next in line, I don’t have much interest at the moment in “moving up.” I am queen of the guilt complex, so I do feel bad about my lack of interest, but I don’t carry much ambition for this job, or much of any other really. This is my primary concern these days: Must find drive. I just have problems dealing with people (I’m no good at it), and my mind and heart would not be in the job of editor. I have no passion for this community (I don’t even live here, I commute) and the editor is required to live here, so if I did take that offer I would have to move. I like where I live. And frankly, this community is whacked.
My interest lies primarily in fiction writing- the book I have been working on may not achieve publication- but at the moment, that’s ok. The world of novel writing is where my goals remain. I will rest, then I will eventually continue to persue. I realize I may be feeding my hermit habit, but how I would love to just be working from home. To not have to deal with this office every day. It’s not all awful, I must say- there are good days and I generally get along with the newsroom staff- but I’m still shy, get flustered when I am stressed, and I’m revolted by the gossip and inane chatter that goes on throughout this place. I should let it go, I know, accept the inevitable cruelties of the environment. But I admit it. I’m sensative. Bury me now. The world breaks everyone.
I’ll move away from this topic. (And blame PMS for the extra dose of neurosis). Phil and I saw “A Beautiful Mind,” yesterday, and I very much enjoyed it. I’m not a big Russell Crowe fan at all, but the movie was well done and he did a nice job. Next movie on my list to see: Gosford Park. We then enjoyed a wonderful Sunday evening in, munching on potato dumplings by candlelight and being beautifully lazy.
I must return to my work day. Avoid the shrapnel from the gossip and all. I should look at it differently- make it a game of sorts. Be like Frogger.