! Listen the doctor called, she says she wants to talk to you about the results. Just call me after you talk to them ok?"
me:" Uhh.. did they say everything was ok?"
mom:" Yeah, I just think that they want to tell you about the results, call me back."
me: "Dr. Peche?"
Dr. Peche:"Anandi, hi, the lab results came back and it didn't go away, it is more pronounced now though. What we are going to have to do is have a biopsy to find out what is causing it."
me:"So is it cancer?"
After talking to my dr. I went and looked up what they said I had. They call is dysplasia. It is sort of a pre-cancerous stage. They are cancerous cells but do not necessarily progress to cancer. It all depends on the biopsy what happens I guess.
I don't feel sick.
But I guess I am. Or something. It has been a very strange week. To say the very least. I was always paranoid about going to the doctor and thinking I had all these diseases and making myself go crazy. And now they told me something is really wrong, and I don't feel any different than before. I mean I guess it won't really hit me until I get really sick, or if I get really sick.
Well last Friday I got a second glance at what its like to be really truly scared again. The biopsy was pretty scary. Not that it was painful, although afterwards I was cringing in pain for a good hour or so, it was just the fact that all this was real and I hadn't really wanted to believe it yet. The doctor said it could be a few things, perhaps a virus or real dysplasia. I don't think it would be a virus because it would have to be a sexual transmitted one and considering that I have only been with one guy I don't think its a virus. Of course if it is then I am assuming he got it from some other chick running around out there and I'd be pissed for many different reasons. However, giving him the benefit of the doubt I'm coming to realize that it probably is a mild to moderate, or even severe, dysplasia. And in the midst of all this I'm entering my hardest semester of physics so far and all I do is stress and do homework and study and stress some more. To say the least this semester is going to be the most stressful one yet. Welcome to the real world I suppose.
I have great and wonderful news, I got my lab results back and they said its not cancer for sure. I don't think I have ever been so relieved. Now I look around me and everything seems like its not so important anymore. All this worrying over trivial things just gives you more stress and doesn't mean anything in the end. I thought that I had everything down before, I appreciated life in a pretty unique way, but still I didn't get to enjoy life the way I would have liked to.