I sit in the waiting room nervously, avoiding eye contact with the others,
Then my counsellor
introduces himself. He is in his fifties with grey
hair, in good physical shape. He is calming. In his office we go through
the preliminaries and I talk about the issue
s that are bothering me.
I joke around a little as if to say Some bad things have
happened to me
but I'm ok
My counsellor doesn't have to
be Sigmund Freud to see through this. He simply says
but this must be very difficult for you.
I don't have time to react intellectually to this. All the hidden emotions
appear unbidden as a physical pressure in my chest.
I cry a little.
I feel the relief of finally being able
to admit how I feel to someone neutral,
someone who I won't burden, someone who I won't offend. I no longer have
to be strong.
I tried counselling because of the good experience
of a friend. She said The first time everyone cries.
I remember nodding supportively,
thinking Not me, baby!