I dreamt I was in CompUSA, the one that just opened up not so long ago. It was very crowded and people were running over each other to grab software. Then the PA system made like a loud buzzing noise and an employee said over the PA that a big alligator was lose in the store. Everyone started to run toward the door but suddenly a loud shot rang out.

"Nobody's going anywhere," said Bill Nye the Science Guy. He was blocking the doors and held a shotgun much bigger than any real-life shotgun. He was smiling like someone who just went insane.

"Marie, collect their valuables," he instructed his sexy young assisant, who was boarding up the doors.

I guess in my dream valuables were hair because she took out an electric razor and shaved everyone's hair off. Yup, even down there.

I thought it was going to be one of those dreams that is totally incoherent, because there had been no mention of the alligator for a while. But then Bill Nye said, "Okay, everbody get naked and wrestle the alligator."

There were some attractive girls in the store and I thought I would get in trouble for being visibly excited, but no one said anything, even the middle-aged man shopping with his shapely teenage daughter. The alligator ate everyone else. So it was just me, Bill Nye, and Marie, who was masturbating. "Your turn to die, Nobody Beats The Wiz", he said, actually using my E2 name!

Suddenly thefez appeared, in the form of Bruce Lee. "Fuck you, you Science Prick," he said. Then he said something I don't remember about donkeys and cheese that made no sense.

Slitting his eyes, Bill Nye mentioned a thumb war. As thefez and Bill Nye the Science Guy were thumb wrestling, I ran out of CompUSA through the back. At the door, I leaped, and CompUSA blew up just like in the movies.

Then I went to the Wiz and smoked some bud with Bill Clinton. It was a cool ending, but usually my dreams are not so obscene.